When I arrived at the rental car company here at SLC, they had some boring land yacht waiting for me. So I asked what else they had available. Fran and I have been considering getting another car in light of rising fuel prices; something with higher gas mileage but something comfortable. Our current cars only get 20-25 MPG.
So before I could ask about hybrids the lady said, "How about a Hummer?" (Without even a STS!)
Immediately visions of snarling earth firsters and foaming at the mouth Global Warmers appeared on my left shoulder, waving their fingers, scolding me about my carbon footprint and rising sea levels.
Cheerful visions of money covered oil company execs and gold chain dangling rap-stars appeared on my right shoulder, giving each other high fives, whooping it up and yelling "yo, go for it dawg"!
So what did I do? To paraphrase Dennis Leary:
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 2008 Hummer
Hot red!
With whale skin hub caps
An all leather cow interior
And big brown baby seal eyes for headlightsYEAH!
And I'm gonna drive around in that baby
At 115 miles per hour
Getting one mile per gallon
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containersAnd when I'm done sucking down those grease-ball burgers
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ain't a Goddamn thing anybody can do about itYou know why?
'Cause we got the bomb, that's why!
So I drove 115 mph straight to McDonalds.
It's only fitting, because after all, I am here in SLC to help drop bombs!
The rest of Dennis Leary's song can be read here
4 comments:
i beg to differ about the a**hole part. i always knew the rest.
keep it up, and you might be the first person banned from my blog! :)
oh dear....
very funny. that shows those idiots that believe in that "global warming" myth
Post a Comment